The journey begins.

Finally, I can enter Stormblood! As some of you know, my computer fried exactly 2 minutes before the launch of the expansion, 2 frikking minutes. So I had to send it back for a repair. Turned out my motherboard was fried and the powersupply busted. And even as crazy as it might sound, I think it was my new mouse that helped cause all the issues. I’m not really techy so enough about that.

It works now! Mouse is buried.

I got my computer back on Friday, guess what, my internet was down! It went on Thursday evening. Some roadworkers had dug over the cabels, meaning I had no TV nor any internet! Funny thing was, my mom’s apparement had to be renovated cause of some leakage, so she had no internet. Meaning she came to visit me to play WoW on  her laptop. But noo, my net vanished.

Thankfully after a lot of nagging and moaning, the cabel/internet dudes put down a temporary cabel the next day, so I got internet again Friday night.

And the next day they fixed the issue. Untill today! It was down for several hours again, both TV and internet. So I just sat here, staring at the ceeling, napping, drawing, playing on my keyboard. Can’t believe how bored I become when I can’t access TV or internet.

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Anyways, I have gotten to 64, almost 65 on my White Mage. And woah the story is really good. Oh my the surprise we got at that last quest at 64… I was telling Sam “omg omg omg”, cause he was a minute behind me on the cutscene. I can’t say what I saw in case you are playing the game and haven’t gotten there yet. But yeah, chills when I saw that npc standing at that big crater.

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I didn’t think they could top Heavensward, I was so immersed into that storyline and fell in love with the whole expansion, npcs and world. But I guess they did top it. I am really excited to continue the journey and see how the story unfolds.

Oh and yes, I changed to lalafell – giggles. I think she is adorable.

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But it does look a little bit silly when I am the warrior of light, coming into the cutscene with my short legs walking like a penguin. With my pink hair and big bunny ears. Oh well, shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover right ? 😛 Cause I get the job done!

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Off to play some more, and to fix the blog a bit. It’s so centered around my miqo’te! 😉

 

 

 

It’s almost time!

Hello!

It is the last day before the servers go down and they add Stormblood! It’s finally time innit!?

stormblood

I’m very excited and have spent my day doing the last bits I wanted to get done before the new expansion in FFXIV.

I leveled my scholar up to 60, so I now have all 3 healers ready. But I think I have made my decision to leveling the white mage in SB first, even if people say it’s going to be the most boring and “bad” healer there is. In terms of raiding anyways, but I’m so casual it wont even matter to me, I just really like it. And I have faith in the team behind the game and think it will be playable.

Other then that I finished up some reputation that I wanted to get done. I got the Vath reputation to 7/Sworn, so I could get the seriously awesome mount they sell. I love it, and the sounds it makes.

Kongamato

Kongamato

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Also got some reputation with the Vanu Vanu, got that one to 6/Honored, and with that came a dance. Can’t say it’s the most exciting dance, but I have it!! The Sundrop Dance, Woo..♥

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So seeing as the servers will be down tomorrow, I will see you at early access. SOO EXCITED ♥

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Doing that screenshot challenge – FFXIV

Well the move has been done AGAIN!! Here’s the new page… Name of it is just after my character in FFXIV. Kind of strange thing to pick, but everything I had in my mind was either taken, or it just didn’t work. So since I can call it Skylar_Irusan on instagram, why not here too ey.

Stormblood is almost here!

I preordered the expansion the second they made it available cause I got so excited, and today they finally billed me. I didn’t realise they weren’t going to bill me untill half a year later or so, lucky I had some money left on the account after buying that pc!!

My tiny new pc ♥

I did the Stormblood Benchmark test and scored 10781 – Extremely high performance, with everything on max so I am very happy with that. Runs very smooth. Sam had like 16000 but his pc costs a hell of a lot more then mine!

Anyways with the expansion coming soon, @FF_XIV_EN have a little challenge going on at Twitter:

I’ve sent in pictures every day so far with the exception of one, day 4. What will you play first – Samurai or Redmage? I had no idea, and no idea of how to show them either so.

Yesterday one of my screenshots got retweeted by @FF_XIV_EN, which was kinda fun. They do retweet a lot of the pictures though, but still it was a little goal I hoped to reach.

Other pictures I’ve sent in so far :

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Since I preordered the game it wont be long till I can download and play the new expansion. Untill then I am trying to level as many jobs to 60 as I can. When stormblood hits, I am thinking of leveling a healer first, either scholar or white mage then the warrior and last the bard. Got dem plans ready yo!!

 

C is for…

A pretty simple and short post, I hope.

I “met” Sam a year ago, through gaming, more spesificly wow. We found out we had a lot in common, spesifically gaming, but that’s not why I am writing.

We have come to the letter C…

The C will stand for CHVRCHES. It’s actually a band that Sam was very into at the time, if he is now or not, I am not sure. But I dare say that it’s one of his favorite bands. And after he introduced it to me I’ve become very fond of it, infact fallen in love with the music.

So there is not much else to say then, C equals Chvrches.

Here is one of the songs:

Maybe you don’t like this song specifically, but they do have a lot of good songs which I have fallen in love with.

But then again, all our tastes differ 🙂 This music helped me at least through some hard times.

That was C, Ciao.

It’s the letter B!

Hello to you! Hope you are having a nice weekend!? I’ve had a few days filled with a lot of anxiety, not quite sure why but it’s starting to ease up a bit now, wooho.

Anyways, it’s time for the letter B in my A-Z posts. I won’t write as a long a post today as I did last, don’t think I could do that every time.

So what will B stand for? I thought maybe beginnings… Well, it’s more of a continuation, but let’s just say beginnings!!! Or Bought!

I was feeling very down and thought damn I need another hobby to keep my busy, keep my thoughts in check. So I asked Sam, and he had tons of suggestions. One thing he suggested multiple times was drawing. I turned his suggestions down time after time cause I was in such a negative spot. But after the thoughts had gotten some time to simmer I decided, okay, let’s draw. Let’s really dig into something.

So I decided that I was gonna go back and try this drawing thing again, cause I do enjoy it. So I went online bought a few books I was looking at last time I tried drawing and I bought 3 books.  A pocketbook series from a youtuber/artist – Mastering Manga with Mark Crilley.

I have watched a lot of his videos and I really like them, so I thought I would probably like his books. I figured, it’s my birthday in a couple of weeks so why not get myself a birthday gift.

Also bought 2 different sketchbooks. One with thinner paper for sketching, and a book with really thick thick paper for when I have something I really I want to draw and color, really put my heart into.

I also bought a lot of pencils and other accessories, and some markers I have fallen in love with.

Markers feel sorta like water paint, they are expensive so I only bought 6 this time. But have my eye on another set of 12 that I will buy next month. For now these skin colored once, will have to do.

So my plan is just to doodle now and then when I feel like it. Not take it to seriously and try to have fun.

So the doodle of the day is the featured image at the top of the post. I have a background on my phone and decided to draw something very similar to it, so no it’s not 100% my creation, but I drew it! And I drew it big, cause usually I draw very small things, but this is an A3 paper. And to be honest, drawing big is a hell of a lot more fun!! Hope it brings a smile on your face, cause it have done so for me.

 

 

Writing from A to Z.

So there is this thing, the A to Z challenge. I am not sure if there are rules to this or whatever. Or if it’s just something someone made up once and just went on with it. But I think I wanna try this my own way, just writing through the alphabet whenever I feel like it. We all know that I get easily burned out from challenges, well I know okay, I KNOW! 😛

I saw SunnyBynny doing this for herself and I though. “Yeah, that sounds like fun”. 

So thank you Sunny for the idea, and for following my blog around every where, these past few years haha.

Don’t know how often I will be writing these blog posts or if I will even finish, but If I don’t put a timeline on it, it’s likely that I can make it till the end.  Some posts will be boring, some will be fun (hopefully) and probably be about a lot of personal stuff. But I’m not shy about writing about personal stuff, I’ve done that before 😛

So what starts with A that can describe me or fit into my thoughts, or something I like to do?! I mean there are so many, Angelic, Ageless, Awesome! Bwaha, jokes.

Okay I will start with the letter A!

Accept

This word or meaning has been a big part of my life the last few years. A word that has popped up a lot from many different people, professionals, family and friends, including myself.

To accept who I am, how I am. To accept that I am not always well, to accept all the steps I take forward, that sometimes even if I work really hard, I will fall. But not so far down that the steps forward was for nothing.

Accepting that getting better, is work in it self, that I am not a useless person who is lazy or a waste of time and space. These were hard things for me to get past, for the most part I have, but sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow.

I have earned my spot to be here, even if I am not the most productive member of society at this point, I am someone, to somebody, I am important.

I am not anxiety, nor am I depression.

But these things are apart of me. Accepting that has been hard, but I feel better accepting that these conditions are there, rather then just ignoring them and hoping they would go away.

I don’t believe they will ever go completely away. Some conquer it, some have to live with it. I think I will have to live with it. It’s not that I want to, I just believe that they will stay. I am a sensitive person, I have had anxiety’s all my life. But I have tools now, to keep it more under control. Accepting that things are shit sometimes, but I will feel better.

In some ways I think I have it easier, then the people around me.

I know how I am feeling, but for other people, who have to live with my rollercoaster-rides, how can they cope? They have to chose and accept me for who I am, and what I deal with. And that can be a tricky and hard decision to make. To accept depression and anxiety into their lives. As I said, it’s not who I am, but it is apart of me, there for it will be apart of those around me.

Maybe that is a thing I need to learn to accept, that others have to make that decision on their own. They chose to stay or leave, it’s not up to me and I should trust them to make that choice for themselves.

Accepting that I am a person that people can like.

There was a time where I felt sorry for people that had to be around me. Like in work environments, that is something I’ve mentioned before. But yes, coming to terms that I can be a likable person took a lot of therapy, a lot of hard thinking, crying, digging far into myself to find qualities that are good about myself. Understanding the fact that people like those qualities that I managed to dig out.

I can be sweet and funny, make people laugh. I can be good company, I can be someone people look up to.

I have a niece that I love to bits, she is a teenager, just gotten her drivers-licence (get that at 18 here). And she helped me a bit with understanding that people can look up to me. She still wants to hang out with me, what sorta teenagers wants to hang out with their 30 year old aunt?

Well she does, and that says a lot about how sweet she is, but it also says that I am a person that is likable, a person you can look up to, trust. That I am fun and nice to be around.

So yes, I am accepting that I am a likable person, to some, not all. Who are likeable to all? No one! Except maybe Groot, but he is not real is he 😛

Okay that was A, now what will B turn out to be?

Personality profile – Take 2!!

So I went through an old post I made in 2015 during blaugust, and an old personality test a lot of us did back then. And I started to wonder, could this chart have changed up a bit?
I’ve gotten older, I’ve been in a lot of therapy, what is it now, 4 years of therapy? So yes, I was interested in checking.

Obviously it’s not a test to take too seriously, but ya know 😀 Huge wall of text incoming!!

Old one 2015 :

 

New test 2017:

Your Personality Profile :

Down-To-Earth, Spontaneous, Introverted, and Emotionally Reactive.

 

Openness to Experience from 1% up to 5%.

  • People who score high on Openness are inquisitive and imaginative. They like to think about “what can be” instead of “what is”. They like to think deeply and play with abstract, unconventional ideas. They enjoy trying out new things and visiting new places. They are creative, and enjoy art and aesthetic experiences.
  • People who score low on Openness are practical and grounded. They are down-to-earth, traditional, and conventional. They are focused on facts and reality, and they prefer the routine and the familiar. They seek out the stability and security that comes from conforming to widely-shared, traditional values.

So yeah – there is not much change, but there is a slight change, I’m learning VERY slowly to open up my mind a bit. But ey, we are who we are, and not everything is meant to change and not everything should change so much, yeah?

Conscientiousness from 58% down to 24%.

  • People who score high on Conscientiousness are organized and self-disciplined. They make plans and follow routines and schedules. They have a strong sense of duty and obligation. They work hard to achieve excellence and success. They are persistent, efficient, and reliable workers. They take their time to consider outcomes and alternatives when making decisions.
  • People who score low on Conscientiousness are spontaneous and flexible. They are adaptable and react well to unexpected situations and change. They find rules to be arbitrary and stifling, and don’t mind breaking them. They enjoy living life on a moment-to-moment basis, following their own whims, and often take leaps of faith to see what happens next.

This point I feel is somewhat accurate, I am happy to see this, even if it’s just a silly test. I do feel I have become a bit more flexible and can do things in the spur of the moment ( a tiny bit anyways ).  I think it’s good that I don’t always have to plan out every single thing in my life anymore. It just feels a bit more relaxed, just shows that my anxiety levels to things have decreased, the need for control is decreasing. Even if it’s still there, it’s improved!

I am however not too adaptable nor do I react well to unexpected situations. BUT I can cope with them a hell of a lot better now then I did back then.

Another point, it mentions duty and obligation. This can be a good thing, but for me it was not. It was a heavy burden of not being able to say no to anyone or anything. I think that has a lot to do with the change in the test, me being able to say “no, sorry I can’t”.

But the sense of duty when it comes to work and similar has not changed and will never do. I’m not a person who can ever slack at work or just push things over to others.

Extraversion from 2% up to 15%.

  • People who score high on Extraversion like being around people and are energetic, enthusiastic, and active in their everyday lives. They like constantly being on the move, enjoy big parties and crowds, and crave excitement and sensory stimulation. They are cheerful, optimistic, and make friends easily. They like to speak out, take charge, and are natural leaders.
  • People who score low on Extraversion are quiet, low-key, and are perfectly happy spending time alone. They tend to be reserved in social situations and keep in the background. They prefer quiet, peaceful, and relaxed environments. Their typical mood and disposition is more subdued and neutral. They are slower to reach out to others and tend to have a small circle of close friends.

Now it’s not a big bump up, but it’s a bump up! Go me! I am an introvert and will always be one. But one thing I have noticed about myself as I started working is that I am a lot more outgoing in a work scenario/work place, then I am as a private person. I guess I have a work role that  I put on, and then my home role. I’ve figured out that I can lead people if need be, I just chose not to be that person if I don’t have to. I will never crave having loads of people around me or go looking for thrills. I dislike busy areas, loud sounds and stress, and need a chilled out environment even if am able to be more outgoing.  Doubt this section of will ever grow past 20%.

Agreeableness from 93% down to 37%.

  • People who score high on Agreeableness are sympathetic and compassionate. They value cooperation, social harmony, and assume that most people are fair and honest. They are naturally trusting and sincere in their dealings with other people. They are modest, dislike confrontation, and always willing to compromise to get along with others.
  • People who score low on Agreeableness tend to be objective and skeptical. They are vigilant about other people’s motivations and tend to be more guarded and strategic in their interactions with other people. They are direct in their communication style and don’t mind openly confronting or challenging others. They value truth, justice, and making objective judgments based on reason alone.

Well there’s a huge change. Guess I lost my compassion! 😛 I know the reasons I scored so high on this the first time. And that is because I could never confront people honestly. I was scared and usually avoided situations or just agreed with the bigger masses to not be seen or made a fool of. I was never super trusting, as this test claim. It’s one of the biggest things I’ve worked on in therapy, my lack of trust and skepticism towards people. Trusting no one beyond family.

This has changed a bit though. I don’t go around thinking every man and woman on earth hates me, or dislikes me. That is absurd and I’ve started to care less as to what random people feel or may think about me. Only thing that matters is what those in my own circle think about me. And I doubt they would stick around if they didn’t like me.

I figure the reason I scored so “low” this time is because I can actually speak up and say what I want to say. If I feel like it, sometimes I just don’t wanna engage. I think I’m in a better spot now then back then, although perhaps it could be a bit more towards 50%. Which I think it will be eventually.

This little creatures body language pretty much sums up how I have been feeling inside. When it comes to speaking up, how I felt if I had to say no to someone, and how I ran around trying to have a job while feeling worthless. Things were so close, but felt impossible to reach.

 

Emotional Stability from 14% down to 3%.

  1. People who score high on Emotional Stability are calm and relaxed even in stressful and anxiety-provoking situations. They are even-keeled, fearless, and remain poised and confident when under pressure. They are difficult to provoke and are able to easily resist urges and temptations.
  2. People who score low on Emotional Stability are reactive and sensitive. They often worry about things, especially when under stress, and become nervous and tense. They are sensitive about what other people think of them, and are easily embarrassed or discouraged.

 

Main reason I think I actually scored lower here which could be interpreted as negative is a simple one. I understand more about myself, how I react. What’s the word, self – knowledge?

This happened a lot during tests when I went to therapy the first years, when I had all those written tests to take. Many times I could see my scored become higher or lower. At first I thought I was actually doing worse, therapy isn’t working. But the therapist quickly pointed out that it’s not always the case when you see how tests change from time to time. It’s just because you are more aware of your feelings and thoughts. So you are just more accurate in your tests, then the first time.

I do worry about things when I am under stress and I can freeze being unable to think straight. And I know this about myself, and that’s good. I know what kind of work I cannot do, I know what times of the day I might not feel very well. I have learned a lot of my triggers, like if I lack an hour of sleep, my day can be ruined. If I do get embarrassed I withdraw and/or get angry. But I have all that crap more under control now, then I did 2 years ago. Except the discouraged part, I give up easily on certain things, but I am not giving up my goal of becoming a better me.

All in all

I’ve taken a lot of tests over the years and I do know I have changed a lot. I still have things to work with. This might not be the most accurate test, but it’s interesting to see anyways. I am definitely not a spontaneous person, but I do consider myself as a down to earth kinda person, I know I am an introvert and I’m emotionally reactive for sure.

Wanna take the test ? 

Perhaps I will take the gamer test tomorrow, as I did 2 years ago, see if my gaming preferences have changed^^,